Frederick Dezendorf died in March. He did not want a funeral; he did not want a memorial; he did not want a fuss. Anything religious was out. He wanted to be cremated and buried at sea by his son Mark and no one else. We had to figure out how we were going to honor this man whom we all loved and some of us really wanted to be on that boat. The biggest decision the family made was that we were going to have some sort of gathering despite his wishes. I think the people who remain behind need to gather and grieve together. We did this last weekend.
Capt. Frederick Dezendorf was a harbor pilot. Pilots are in command of ships entering and leaving ports. The pilot boats are working vessels and although sturdy - built for rough weather and bad seas, they are not very large. The Canaveral Pilot Association agreed to let us use one of their boats this day, but they could not accommodate more than 8 passengers. Let’s see, one sister, plus five children, plus spouses = 11, plus six adult grandchildren = 17, plus a few more spouses = too many people. The grandchildren especially wanted to be included.
The pilot association was very generous and allowed us to use both of their boats (they only have 2). A few chose not to go out on the boat. The pilots on board talked to us of changes made to the port since Fred retired 26 years ago. They flew the flags at half-mast and told us it was an honor for them to help us in this way. Stories of Fred included the fact that he would use foul language when he felt the need. We laughed and cried telling stories. We arrived at the buoy markers where Paul’s mother’s ashes were scattered 35 years ago. Paul, Deborah and Mark took turns scattering the ashes in the water and then we each put a rose in the water as we said good-bye.
After this some of us drove to the house they built in Cocoa Beach over 40 years ago. The current owners have been there 30 years and they invited us into the back, which has an outstanding view of the river. We talked for an hour. Shortly after moving in, Paul’s parents installed an in-ground pool. Once the kids left, Fred was not using it and did not want to fuss with the upkeep so he buried it. Paul thought he had it removed. The original pool is now uncovered and looks very inviting. We laughed about the window he installed in the center of the living room wall – with a view of the garage. He did this to enable a cross breeze. I also remember his idea to rig his own solar hot water system with hoses on the roof. This did not work out too well; the hoses could not take the heat.
Later in the day we had a reception at the house in Melbourne Beach. One of the retired pilots told us that Fred was “Unit A.” Fred founded the Canaveral Pilots Association and therefore has the “A” designation. Fred’s best friend’s son was there as well as neighbors and one of his caretakers from recent years. There were a lot of side stories but no formal or prepared remarks. In this way it was not a memorial – more of a gathering. Fred’s grandchildren (the cousins) had their own reunion. We went out to dinner later – the family numbered 17. Paul’s Aunt Maggie was with us as well as her son Jeff who flew down from Lake Placid, NY to meet his cousins for the first time.
It was a very nice weekend. I felt we honored Capt. Frederick Kent Dezendorf. May he rest in peace.
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